Letter 22

“Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.”

- Titus 1: 15 (KJV)

Good people do not need excuses to do good things, and bad people need no warrant to do bad things. Most people do what seems most expedient for them, and they make those decisions, usually, by habit. If you are accustomed to being benevolent, being benevolent will seem like the right thing to do. If you are usually selfish, or sadistic, that will seem the reasonable course.

Over time, you world view corresponds to your actions. You see the life, and the actions of others through the lenses you have tinted and adjusted over time. You will notice that mean and selfish people tend to ascribe selfish motivations to others almost automatically, while empathetic and kind people tend to put a more generous spin on the actions of others. It is much easier to use the internalized assumptions you've always used. It feels safer and easier.

We are not, usually, rational animals who think carefully about our options and resources before making a decision. Usually, we act in accordance with our internalized moral and social habits, and later we create reasons why we did what we did. We are rationalizers, not usually rational.

But that can change. People can change their worldview, but why would they? Your worldview is, above all, what you really believe about how the world works. To change that, you have to become, in many respects, a new person. Usually, we take our experiences and put them through that filter. Everything seems to reinforce our existing view since anything that doesn't we filter out. We move the goalposts. Anything to keep us from the dangerous moment when nothing makes sense, when we don't know who we are, when we don't know what the world is.

Those moments can come unbidden, and certainly unwanted. Disaster, tragedy, or a sudden epiphany brought on by a moment of understanding and beauty overwhelming what we thought we knew can blow apart our “reality,” and leave us standing without direction, without assumptions.

But we don't usually reach that moment until life deals us a heavy blow; until something becomes too much to bear, or something too transcendent for who we currently are touches us.

For many, this is the moment when they accept someone else's explanation of what reality is. They accept a religion, or an ideology that tells them that they matter, but not enough to find their own way in the world. “Trust our god, and obey.” “Submit to the will of the party.” Many do.

In legend, there is a place called the “Chapel Perilous.” In Arthurian mythology, it represents the moment when a radical new becoming – for better or worse, is possible. It is the moment of temptation, or transcendence.

And there is peril there, indeed. It is possible, even likely that you will only substitute a way of seeing the world that you learned, for better or worse over time, for a way of understanding that serves the agenda of another. You may find comfort in it, at least for awhile, but only at the expense of your autonomy. Never forget, “Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,” (attr. Voltaire) and not just against others.

But also, in that moment of fear and darkness, the opportunity comes to become rational – to rigorously examine the evidence, and to examine how and why we reject and accept evidence. We can see our habits, examine our assumptions because our old ones have failed us.

When that moment comes, we can hold onto this in the midst of the chaos – This is the moment of change. For better or worse, you will not be the same. Sit in the midst of the whirlwind, and think about what you are, how you see the world, what you wish to be. Seek understanding of the life, not as you think it is, but in how it is revealing itself to be.

When the moments come in your life that provide the opportunity to change your path, to change the way you navigate, to sharpen your understanding, do not miss them. Know where you are. Think carefully. Seek more light, more clarity, more understanding. Take ultimate responsibility not only for what you think, but how you think. Never, ever surrender that one thing to a religion, an ideology, a fear or a fantasy. You were not made to serve the desires and illusions of another.

Own your head.