Letter 41

You don't hear the word “decency” much, unless it's in a rant about how no one has any of it nowadays, or in the context of sexual behavior in public places.

But decency is more than a scold's bridle. Simply put, decency is behaving in such as way as to not incommodate others. It also implies being willing to do one's duty to others in a daily, rather than a heroic context.

An example of this is a rule my Grandpa taught me. “Man with the load has the right of way.” That is to say, that if someone is carrying something heavy, you get out of their way, no matter if it was “your turn” or not. They need that space more than you do, and it's no great sacrifice for you to wait a moment.

Of course, we all know the sort of people who'd say, “Too bad for them! Not my problem! It's MY turn!” and barge ahead. This is perceived by many as being a “hard charger” and someone who “gets things done!” Even, oddly, by those standing there with heavy burdens while the unencumbered “successful, driven” sorts make them wait.

A decent person takes a little extra time and thought about the feelings and needs of others, rather than always insisting on what they have the right or privilege to do. It is by such small accommodations that we all get along, and the work of society gets done.

It is impossible to make rules to cover every possible scenario and social interaction. You will always have the “right” to do things that you really shouldn't, if you were being considerate. Decency simply means that you take the feelings and needs of others into account, and avoid giving offense when you don't need to. It means helping where you can. It sounds like a little thing, but its the habit that oils the gears of society.

Normalize decency. Wouldn't it be nice?