I am, as of this writing, in considerable physical pain. But the pills given to me for this purpose remain unused. Why?
I have a quirk about this. I know I'm not being entirely rational on this subject, but I don't take pain meds if I can possibly help it. They fog my brain, and as my brain is really the only thing about me that can be said to be of any significant worth, I'm loathe to do anything that takes its edge away. I can't write when I'm on them, and if I can't write, what am I?
There's something else, too. I think it's important to die well, and in the experience I have with Death, it generally comes with a measure of pain. I don't want to miss my death, and I don't want to die poorly. This is an irrational fear, I do confess it, but I fear dying poorly far more than I fear dying. So, I look upon the quotidian pain as a sort of training. The ability to function despite pain is important to how I see my life, and my preparation for death. I find some comfort in the “Memento Mori,” knowing that it is a part of life, and a chance to overcome the most basic of terrors. So I prepare. No time soon, I hope, but one never knows...
This is not something, I think, that is true for most people. I acknowledge that my early reading of the Stoics, and their lives and deaths has colored my perception, perhaps beyond being entirely objective on the subject. And I'm probably suffering a larger experience with pain, over the course of a lifetime, than is truly necessary. I don't recommend it, any more than I recommend extended fasts for most people, despite the fact that they're useful to me. Pain hurts, and being hungry, really hungry, kind of sucks.
I certainly don't enjoy pain. Nor do I look forward to it, or seek it out. It's not a “macho” thing. Such abstention is not particularly heroic, from my point of view. Taking pain meds when you are in genuine pain is not weakness. Doing as your doctor recommends is probably the wisest course. There is even some evidence that being in constant pain retards healing. But I'll take my pain when it comes, for as long as I can. I truly believe that discipline and training of the mind can turn any experience to my benefit. I try, every day, to live this truth. So I make of all my experiences – all of them, painful and pleasurable, what I can, as much as I can.
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I admit to being a wuss. Right now I am eagerly awaiting (second) hip replacement surgery. Pain began in December and has gotten progressively worse (no surprise.) At this point using a walker is the easiest way to get around, although I have only used a cane out in public (so far.) Pain is excruciating and debilitating. I know that surgery will bring healing, and I would LOVE to have some medication to get me through until then. I am a wuss.
Sometimes my own thoughts seem to exist at some outer edge of what many of my friends think on many topics and I begin to feel isolated, and then i read one of your post and feel less alone out there with my thoughts. You are a very articulate, interesting person and anyone who could call you 'friend' would be very lucky.
Hope you're feeling better soon.