I admit to being a wuss. Right now I am eagerly awaiting (second) hip replacement surgery. Pain began in December and has gotten progressively worse (no surprise.) At this point using a walker is the easiest way to get around, although I have only used a cane out in public (so far.) Pain is excruciating and debilitating. I know that surgery will bring healing, and I would LOVE to have some medication to get me through until then. I am a wuss.
Sometimes my own thoughts seem to exist at some outer edge of what many of my friends think on many topics and I begin to feel isolated, and then i read one of your post and feel less alone out there with my thoughts. You are a very articulate, interesting person and anyone who could call you 'friend' would be very lucky.
Why do you think it’s important to die well? What exactly does dying well encompass?
One of my friends died from lung cancer and she prayed fervently, “Let me die with dignity and grace!” It was a hard death, without much dignity that I could see. She was medicated heavily and it really affected her cognitive function. I don’t know how she could have borne the pain of her legs splitting open as her kidneys failed and fluids built up and all the other pain she was having without the morphine.
I’ve sat at a few deathbeds and as you say, most involved some level of pain. I’ve also had friends and family choose medically assisted death. They were also in pain, but they were lucid until they took the first dose that rendered them unconscious. I personally think I’d prefer medically assisted death.
Many reasons. It is your last act in life, and an emotionally significant one. It will not be forgotten by your survivors. It is your last opportunity to accept all of life, and to deal with the great terror. It is a human moment that you share with every other human, but must face alone.
"What exactly does dying well encompass?"
I can't say that for anyone but myself. Nor would I try.
About twelve years ago I woke up after being in a coma in an ICU bed. A doctor, after welcoming me back, chewed my butt for having a do not resuscitate order. Pointing out that my previous 6'1", 235lb. body was now 114lbs. and I looked as if I had been rescued from a Nazi concentration camp I replied, "Look at me Doc! Would you want to live like this?". He asked me then if I was depressed. I looked at him as if I was wondering how he ever made it thru med school and he wrote me a prescription. I took one of his pills and discovered he thought I'd be better off drooling in a corner somewhere before I threw the rest of his pills away. My mind was the only thing I had left that worked the way it was supposed to, and I wasn't about to give that up too, so I understand where you're coming from. Fortunately, I found another doctor who figured out what was wrong, operated, and here I am. I'm reasonably healthy again in my late 70's.
Having had a knee replacement and a fractured pelvis in the last 3 years, I admit I have relied heavily on pain meds at times. I am no fan of opiods but there are good alternatives to the really nasty ones, nowadays.
Pain from six knee surgeries and total spinal fusion have made me fully understand pain. I worked with a pain management specialist MD and took opiates and Suboxone to wean off and it barely made a difference! Pain energized me to become the amazing, strong, beautiful self advocate I have become in every regard concerning my treatment! Ask my surgeons!!! 🤗❤️ I would never, for any reason deprive myself of pain medications!
What a topic to touch on , essentially when you are in pain. I never believed in pain med. it’s only the last two years I began to take pain med for headaches and arthritis. I suppose I just got too lazy to endure the pain and discomfort. Of course, that also means medications to manage the medical problems. Hope you get well soon! An old doctor told me to make friends with the sun when I complained about the hot south Texas heat. I suppose if you make friend with the pain, you will soon feel no pain, stoic or not.
I don't believe we have to face death in pain. I like being alert. I like being in possession of myself. Pain makes me stupid. Pain makes me angry. When it is time for me to die, I'd rather not know what hit me. But if I do know what's taking me out, I don't want to go out suffering. I've had enough pain. The pain that comes out of living and surviving. The psychic pains of bullying and exclusion. The collective family trauma at the death of a father to children and a mother too young to bear it. The shame-pain of being molested by a neighbor, and later, at an different age, raped - both date rape and at the point of a gun. So no. I want to go out on my terms. I want my remaining family and friends to visit for hours and have some laughs, let me send them off with a stack of books, and drink my exit drink. In my own bed. While I'm still in possession of myself.
I thought I was alone in this feeling for pain. I have trained myself to grow with the pain, not run from it….not something I court but also how I was dealt and have learned to face as is…. It all molds who and what and how we are and will become.
I admit to being a wuss. Right now I am eagerly awaiting (second) hip replacement surgery. Pain began in December and has gotten progressively worse (no surprise.) At this point using a walker is the easiest way to get around, although I have only used a cane out in public (so far.) Pain is excruciating and debilitating. I know that surgery will bring healing, and I would LOVE to have some medication to get me through until then. I am a wuss.
Sometimes my own thoughts seem to exist at some outer edge of what many of my friends think on many topics and I begin to feel isolated, and then i read one of your post and feel less alone out there with my thoughts. You are a very articulate, interesting person and anyone who could call you 'friend' would be very lucky.
Hope you're feeling better soon.
Why do you think it’s important to die well? What exactly does dying well encompass?
One of my friends died from lung cancer and she prayed fervently, “Let me die with dignity and grace!” It was a hard death, without much dignity that I could see. She was medicated heavily and it really affected her cognitive function. I don’t know how she could have borne the pain of her legs splitting open as her kidneys failed and fluids built up and all the other pain she was having without the morphine.
I’ve sat at a few deathbeds and as you say, most involved some level of pain. I’ve also had friends and family choose medically assisted death. They were also in pain, but they were lucid until they took the first dose that rendered them unconscious. I personally think I’d prefer medically assisted death.
"Why do you think it’s important to die well?"
Many reasons. It is your last act in life, and an emotionally significant one. It will not be forgotten by your survivors. It is your last opportunity to accept all of life, and to deal with the great terror. It is a human moment that you share with every other human, but must face alone.
"What exactly does dying well encompass?"
I can't say that for anyone but myself. Nor would I try.
"I personally think I’d prefer medically assisted death."
May each have what seems good to them. That is my sincere wish.
About twelve years ago I woke up after being in a coma in an ICU bed. A doctor, after welcoming me back, chewed my butt for having a do not resuscitate order. Pointing out that my previous 6'1", 235lb. body was now 114lbs. and I looked as if I had been rescued from a Nazi concentration camp I replied, "Look at me Doc! Would you want to live like this?". He asked me then if I was depressed. I looked at him as if I was wondering how he ever made it thru med school and he wrote me a prescription. I took one of his pills and discovered he thought I'd be better off drooling in a corner somewhere before I threw the rest of his pills away. My mind was the only thing I had left that worked the way it was supposed to, and I wasn't about to give that up too, so I understand where you're coming from. Fortunately, I found another doctor who figured out what was wrong, operated, and here I am. I'm reasonably healthy again in my late 70's.
This was extremely thought-provoking. Thank you.
Having had a knee replacement and a fractured pelvis in the last 3 years, I admit I have relied heavily on pain meds at times. I am no fan of opiods but there are good alternatives to the really nasty ones, nowadays.
Pain from six knee surgeries and total spinal fusion have made me fully understand pain. I worked with a pain management specialist MD and took opiates and Suboxone to wean off and it barely made a difference! Pain energized me to become the amazing, strong, beautiful self advocate I have become in every regard concerning my treatment! Ask my surgeons!!! 🤗❤️ I would never, for any reason deprive myself of pain medications!
What a topic to touch on , essentially when you are in pain. I never believed in pain med. it’s only the last two years I began to take pain med for headaches and arthritis. I suppose I just got too lazy to endure the pain and discomfort. Of course, that also means medications to manage the medical problems. Hope you get well soon! An old doctor told me to make friends with the sun when I complained about the hot south Texas heat. I suppose if you make friend with the pain, you will soon feel no pain, stoic or not.
I avoid pain meds, but CBD gummies seemed to help when I had what I considered a nasty bout of sciatica.
I doubt I need to say this, but stay away from the opioids. None of them are safe.
I don't believe we have to face death in pain. I like being alert. I like being in possession of myself. Pain makes me stupid. Pain makes me angry. When it is time for me to die, I'd rather not know what hit me. But if I do know what's taking me out, I don't want to go out suffering. I've had enough pain. The pain that comes out of living and surviving. The psychic pains of bullying and exclusion. The collective family trauma at the death of a father to children and a mother too young to bear it. The shame-pain of being molested by a neighbor, and later, at an different age, raped - both date rape and at the point of a gun. So no. I want to go out on my terms. I want my remaining family and friends to visit for hours and have some laughs, let me send them off with a stack of books, and drink my exit drink. In my own bed. While I'm still in possession of myself.
May each and every one have what seems good to them. That is my sincere wish.
While my mother was in her last days she said that she didn’t want to go to sleep because she expected to die soon and did not want to miss it.
I thought I was alone in this feeling for pain. I have trained myself to grow with the pain, not run from it….not something I court but also how I was dealt and have learned to face as is…. It all molds who and what and how we are and will become.